Squeeze another through the cheese grater, the season of spring is here. Birds chirping, sweat building and more and more skin as the clothes melt away into the impending summer.

For some, the ever present air of pollen whips up another furious round for the nostrils. Sneezing eyeballs, itchy fits and noses as hoses. Suffer the fools of hay fever, crippled as they are at the beat of nectar and mould raiding their nostrils and lungs.

Care for some useless tips on beating the hay fever? No? Here are some anyway:

• Stay indoors and don't breathe - when you avoid the cause of the problem the problem itself doesn't seem so much like a problem at all.
• Live under water - air and wind are known torrents for transporting pollen and other such nasties into the respiratory system. That kind of obstacle doesn't even factor in the underwater world.
• Vaseline - clug up the nose with wads of the petroleum jelly, the stickiness will latch on to anything that might try and tickle your tonsils.
• Walk with your eyes closed - prepare to buy a walking stick if this is even a viable option. (Also handy for people looking for impromptu guides around town or a faster path to wherever.)
• Be a misery to yourself - crying can help with the flushing of the foreign agents in your eyes and nose. So be like a loser and weep all day long.

 

After years of walking in the wilderness, Red Sonja's return to the comic shelves was marred by a less than full forced feel into the Tenth Year Celebration of Mercedes Australian Fashion Week.

At odds and under fire from event organisers is her trademark attire; the fiery red head's flotilla of costumes all bear the same style, cut and fabric. Each one more identical than the last.

No real wonder then that the She-Devil with a Sword -- not to be confused with ordinary she-devils without swords -- has been denied a card into the much-hyped, high stakes fashion week event.

At one point questions were raised regarding the rights to the fashion and stylings of Red Sonja. Questions quickly dismissed as nothing more than ordinary transitional stable relocations from Marvel to Cross Plains and now to Dynamite Entertainment.

Plans for her comic series, however, remain hopeful.

 

Thor, God of Thunder, is currently lying dead in the Marvel Comics stables. What better opportunity for them then to use the son of Zeus and Alcmene, Hercules, Prince of Power to soak up some of that divine spotlight love?

For those familiar only with the Hercules in the leather pants of Kevin Sorbo, some of the legendary twelve labours:

Taking on the Nemean lion and killing it with his bare hands, Hercules fashions himself a nice fur coat from the carcass of the slain monster feline.

Helps out the Hydra of the Lernean swamps, suffering from a seriously bad hair day. With assistance from his nephew, Iolaus, they end up searing eight of her heads before lopping off the immortal ninth. Customer satisfaction is moot with no customer to speak out.

Breaking two rivers through King Augeas' stables -- cleaning staff having not visited for three decades -- Hercules flushes out the manure and stench within a single day and without getting dirty.

In the land of the Amazons, Hercules spots a rather fine girdle. Boxing day shopper madness overcomes him as he kills Hippolyte. Only later realising that she willfully gave up the accessory.

Complaints from residents see Hercules heading down to Hades. There he puts down the Cerebus, a monstrous dog with three heads and long reigning champion of backyard brawls.

(abridged, dubiously recounted and not entirely accurate)

 

Look, up in the sky! Watching high atop from a gargoyle fixture, Superman, defender of truth, justice and the American way, surveys the city streets with the motion picture currently underway on the alien's life story.

Filming in Sydney, it was only a matter of time before the Man of Steel himself would arrive on the Australian shores to catch a sneak peek of the work in progress, one that many are tipping to relaunch his visage onto the silver screen after such a long time away.

Directed by Bryan Singer with relative unknown Brandon Routh in the titular role, the Last Son of Krypton has thus far okayed the production based on his life story. Along with this tour's styling team of designer Jim Lee and sculpting hands of Tim Bruckner, it's been said that if all goes well, Superman may return again for another outing.

Serving more now in a supervisory role, Superman is expected to catch up with Justice League teammates Green Lantern, Wonder Woman and the Dark Knight, all here for a secret Christmas timed vacation.

Up, up and away, Superman has left and is no longer in the store.

 

Executives at Warner Bros. were elated on Monday morning after having learnt that one time Superman star Christopher "Kal-El" Reeve had passed on. With the paralysed campaigner now out of the picture the hunt can truly begin in earnest for the next actor to take over the mantle as the last son of Krypton. Speculation continues on the actual name of the star with the likes of Brendan "Encino Man" Fraser and Jim "I am Jesus" Caveziel bandied about. However, the word straight from director Bryan "You love me for making the X-Men movies" Singer is that it will be an unknown donning the red, yellow and blue.

In related news, DVD box sets of Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman (starring Dean "Believe it or Not" Cain and Teri "All natural" Hatcher) were announced hours following Reeve's passing.

 

 

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