Christmas time and it's the season of summer in Australia. A period where the many find comfort in walking aimlessly in the freezers everyone knows as shopping centres. They may sweat out and lose three kilos in the trek from their homes to the multi-level car parking facilities, but make no mistake. The winner is clearly the festive fun.

The loser is the water weight conscious. They who judge their lives on the bathrooms scales. The ones who see how much the bag of dates helped them lose. How far closer to rails they are now with the dodgy food court tastings. The ones who may take to drinking up to water load in times of competition weighing machines.

Care needs to be taken in which liquids go into the temple that is the body in times of staving off dehydration. Simple plain tap water will suffice. Recycled water even. Flat soda water isn't too bad. But stay away from the variety made of hops and barely or potatoes. Stuff which will take the eyes and swim them through what may very well seem like an endless bath of chlorine.

Which also is not a good thing to ingest on any basis, no matter the occasion.

 

Takes a loose minded entrepeneur to figure out that skinning a dog in a banana suit may add to the high price of a hand. Pity not the dog, in this case Brian Griffin from The Family Guy, a tool in the whole marketing scheme and scam.

Takes the discerning consumer to work out that a dog dressed in a banana suit helps no one in the long run. Not if the dog isn't playing all the cards that are involved in the game of dressing up fruity.


Such as knowing the limit at which the costume will work. After a certain period of time, it should be either taken out as a whole or left for the compost and hopefully the return back into the environment.

Another thing to note is the infuriating stickers that comes with the costume. Vital for those who are interested in knowing the wheres and whats. Less so for those who forget and throw it in the wash, only to end up with bits floating about not yet ready to let go.

Dressing up as a fruit is one thing. Knowing how to be the fruit is another thing entirely.

 

Not long now before the release of the conclusion with X-Men 3: The Last Stand. At least for the first round featuring the core prior to splintering into the spin offs. After that, it'll be just like the trail of comics spreading out on the silver screen.

Before that happens, X-Men Fairy Tales.

In the tradition of the X-Men Classic, "Kitty's Fairy Tale," comes a series of new legends, reimagining the greatest X-Men stories through folktales, myths and fables from across the globe.

In the story of Momotaro, the Peach-Boy, an old Japanese woodcutter and his wife cut open a giant peach only to find a baby boy with a peach pit for an eye, crying inside! The couple quickly learns that there is more than meets the eye as the baby shoots ruby-red optic blasts when the pit is removed!

Afraid of how the outside world would treat him, the Peach-Boy is raised in seclusion until a mysterious Monk comes along and shows the teenaged Peach-Boy that his is a gift to be proud of.

Believing he is destined for greater things, the boy joins the monk on a journey to defeat the evil demons that have plagued his lands and captured a beautiful red-haired princess.

In the spirit of new angles, Earth's Mightiest Heroes are redone in Marvel Adventures Avengers. Where tales of old are made to look new again. Cold fingers turn fat.

Might have spent a few years repeating classes, but now Rival Schools are finally out from the noodle soup people of UDON.

DC Comics throw together a band of magic men in Shadowpact. Featuring an appearance by Superman, this motley crew are up against some exclamation mark threatening the universe.

Missed the dead mobster the first time around? Frankenstein Mobster is on reorder.

Marvel bring in the spin on the old tales and poems of the classic Poe with Haunt Of Horror Edgar Allan Poe.

If the endless referential gags on late night and the DVDs aren't enough, read all about the Griffins in comic book format. Family Guy: 100 Ways To Kill Lois by Stewie Griffin is the first of a three done run from the guns of Devil's Due Publishing.

 

On this Invasion Day, if all is to be believed there will be lamb chops as bats, barges made of emptied VBs and barbeques smoking more than the bush fires. Glory is this day in which the forefathers came slashing their way to a brand new life on an island prison larger than Alcatraz.

Celebrate today and stumble back tomorrow before the weekend begins again. A tragedy of public holidays to fall outside the prime real estate of Friday or Monday to rejoice.

Sipping martinis on Australia Day? Not likely if you're Australian. Don't bother looking for the red fire hydrants around either. Not yet, the recolonisation of this big brown land is at least a year away. At best hopes.

For the relief of bladders and stomachs made full from soft drinks, beers and burnt meat, trees, drains and empty bottles will be lying about. Step over and past each one of them to make use of the facilities.

Australia is already the big brown land without the extra leg up.

 

Welcome to your life. A sad and miserable existence of the day to day until the end. Nothing more than tears for fears. Don't worry, nothing ever lasts forever. And that includes you.

So, do like the warlords, god-beating evangelists and multimedia celebrities do and cherish the underlings beneath your feet and between your toes.

Make like the Roman Empire and stomp your way to immortality. After all, no one else will do it for you. Keep in mind a few things though...

Visine will be your friend - when you make enough enemies in your road to world domination, sleeping with one eye open or both eyes open will leave your eyeballs dry and scratchy. Keep a vial of visine handy, it'll help you look them dead in the retinas when negotiating that trade deal.

Baby, it's cold outside - loneliness is a fact of life when you've done away with all those around you in the name of paranoia. Remember to keep warm and the head on your shoulders won't freeze into a ball of ice.

Miranda, Regulas, Xena - if all else fails, start looking to conquer other planets. Preferably with inhabitants easier to break. Or at least with some scenery in case that too fails.

Everybody wants to rule the world, but not everybody has the cahones to carry it out.

 

 

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