Philip J. Fry, delivery boy at Planet Express and laser cannon gunner of the Planet Express Ship. Also happens to be his own grandfather in a twisted trick of time travel. Best head of hair in all of the Planet Express crew too.

Does he use hair gel or some other kind of product to keep them locks sticking up in such a fat fashion of style and strength? Who knows, but it does look mighty fine to show off such a fringe to shoot straight for the stars. Yes indeed, and as the wacky wobbler will nod and shake yes to as well.

Food fat and all the jelly you find when you're in the sauce of chicken might serve well. Might feel way greasy after a while though. And not the best for those who are looking to sweat much. Unless tasting food sweat is your thing. Which it might be, that's an individual prerogative.

Super hold hair spray or product comes nowhere close to the grip and tightness oozing from a double colon squirt of epoxy resin. Or the squibs of super glue. That stuff will do a holding wonder like bubble gum under a warm seat.

Or there's the other option. Watch There's Something About Mary and pay attention for a relatively free hair application source.

 

Take it under with a toothbrush, plot evils with a do like Salvador Dali or to rock on a slosh with the handlebars. Whatever the machinations, they all bear one thing in common. A might of hair covering the upper lip region of a man's face. And in some instances, that of a woman's.

Less than a beard, more than a hairy mole, it's what separates the shaver from the skin. Most of the time. Others just find the masochistic ritual of plucking and electro shocking all the more their style.

And the moustache is all about style when it comes down to it. A flavour for the face, the put it aside from the other mugs in the row and ranks. Either that or to strain the soup so many people find them washing their faces in.

 

With the lights out it's less dangerous. And then in the dark it's where nobody can see you sniffing hard up against the plastic blister of your action figure collection. Strange things people do in the comfort of their own garages.

From a female friend spaying "Kurt smells like Teen Spirit" on a wall to the phenomenal anthem of the disenfranchised ages. Sniffing brings up less through a shield of plastic. Worse still when the object inside smells nothing like a corpse.

Kurt Cobain, dead at 27, lead force behind Nirvana with Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl. Immortalised in various forms and here, in the guise of an action figure that can take out The Beatles or Ozzy Osbourne himself. Finding the other two members of Nirvana to reform the band is highly unlikely in a 7 inch high figure format.

Be careful of adopting the grunge look and hitting a heavy dose of odours. A thick and unkempt mat of hair can still choke if sucked up and through the nostrils. It has happened.

 

Elvis Presley. King of rock and roll, lord of the greasy burger and champion of the sideburns ever to this day. Born on January 8 1935 and dropped at August 16 1977 by a heart attack.

Given the roots of the style to his music, the Mississippi musician was no stranger to the rhythm and blues of his country's soul. Black through and through, the rockabilly's hair was the jet stream of night and cool. Others would kill for glistening locks so black that it looks blue.

For those looking to step toward looking like their hero and King, products on the shelves of many hair stylists and glorified barbers may do. Not for everyone though.

For those on the tweetier side of life, shoe polish can work just as well. Careful though, the heat is known to make for serious smear marks even mascara would envy.

 

The Beatles, (bubblegum) pop/rock band with a nasty case of bowl cuts. Like Moe Howards all over only with slightly longer tresses. Their predicament lasted as long as their songs were short. Making the most of the least offered to them by their stylist, Astrid Kirchherr, the four lads from Liverpool (of the UK) shook the world with carefree locks set to a deep dish.

Barbers and $50 hairdressers would have the shaven public shamed for continuing the cheap cut trend.

Styles of all sorts can be made from the extension of the bowl.

Colanders and pasta strainers - Thread the follicles through and a cheap dye job is only half done. The pain and burning only a result of the foodstuffs still lying on the inside of the bowl.

Skillets and saucepans - When that standard bowl cut is too long, hit the flash and take off the dangling locks with a short life, keeping the wholesome impoverished look of the bowl intact.

Fresh whack wok for the monk look - With mitts the size of open fists, throw a burning wok straight on top of the head. Smell the singeing hairs part and reveal some flesh. May cause scalding and trauma.


(The Beatles have left the building inside their box unit and are currently out of stock.)

 

With few late nighters even watching television, quality is ever at a questionable state of mind. Riffing on the success and format of The Apprentice is My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss.

With a Mr N. Paul Todd standing in the place of Donald Trump, and a fictitious IOCOR the place to be upon billions and billions, there is nothing more here than a con. Big time. Relatively speaking.

The Trump has his, "You're Fired!"
The Todd has "Get the hell out of my office!"

Both have hair. Reputedly in the former case. What kind of hair looks like the crop atop the crown of the Trump anyway?

Concrete plaster? Bobblehead says yes.
Pelt? Head knocker nods affirmative.
Mystery insane? All signs point to yes!

 

 

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