Feels like watching bad Shakespeare at times when listening to the Norse god speak in a tongue outside of his weather region. As if licking too long on the rocks at the bottom of that mug of mead, in moderation.

Not a clone! Not a robot! Not an imaginary story! The God of Thunder is officially BACK! You've waited for it, you've demanded it... and we say thee YEA!

The Odinson comes roaring to life in this highly anticipated ongoing series by red-hot superstars J. Michael Straczynski (AMAZING SPIDER-MAN) and Olivier Coipel (HOUSE OF M)! But how does a god return from Ragnarok? And what place will he find in a world torn by CIVIL WAR?

Thor #1 from Marvel Comics

Two hands on the cups with Lady Death Sacrilege from Brian Pulido and Daniel HDR. Up against the church looking to expand like those little squares in Sim City that turn nothing back over in city taxes.

Stuart Moore and Tyler Kirkham swing the arms of the four door cars and the crew with a breakout on their hands in New Avengers/Transformers. What a team up... really? War breakouts out in masses of zits on a first date.

Sounds a bit different with Fred Van Lente and Gurihiru heading four periods in school with Fantastic Four and Power Pack. Bullies? Bullies? Well, bully to you. Kids at play it seems.

Six of the unknown and shady are what comes from Mike Carey and Jock on Faker. There, not there, like listening to the other end of a phone go into a waterfall.

Tony Bedard, Paulo Sequeira and Amilton Santos and Black Canary make four. And how about that with a keyboard where the letters keep transposing themselves? Not easy. The League of Assassins are picking up on Sin, but it's not going to be all nice and knifey.

Jeph Loeb and John Cassaday finally place the lid of the coffin closed in Fallen Son: The Death of Captain America - Iron Man. Boy scout of the flag takes it away and the man pretty much responsible faces the facts with the rest of the Marvel Universe.

Hardcover collection of the week

Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter - Volume 1: Guilty Pleasures HC - vampires, werewolves, zombies and other things of the undead. Watching out for their own maggot infested backs as the rogues are on the hunted mark from Blake herself. Of course, she's not without her own cause to look over her shoulder. Try holding down a door with this collection as the encroaching forces look to eat more brains.

 

Paint the body green and go out on a sugar rush, it's like drinking red cordial made green all day long. Watch out for the fibre intake to move things along. Results may vary.

Marvel's massive summer smashfest begins! Exiled by a group of Marvel "heroes" to the savage alien planet of Sakaar, the Hulk raged, bled and conquered through the pages of last year's "Planet Hulk" epic, rising from slave to gladiator to king.

Now the Hulk returns to Earth to wreak his terrible vengeance on Iron Man, Reed Richards, Dr. Strange and Black Bolt -- and anyone else who gets in his way. Stronger than ever, accompanied by his monstrous Warbound gladiator allies, and possessed by the fiercest and purest rage imaginable, the Hulk may just tear this stupid planet in half.

The epic story of anger unbound begins with this special double-sized issue written by "Planet Hulk" scribe Greg Pak and penciled by the legendary John Romita, Jr.

World War Hulk #1 (of 5) from Marvel Comics

Speaking of those in exile, it's the FF's very young son in Franklin Richards: World Be Warned. Chris Eliopoulous and Marc Sumerak baby sit the precocious son of a genius looking to escape the confines of his room and wreck havoc.

Back it up a crack, Alan Martin and Ashley Wood crank a shank with Tank Girl: The Gifting. New look and yet the haphazard jump around style of old in four.

Brian Pulido and Gabriel Guzman are ringside on the battle of the barely there costumed heriones with Lady Death vs Pandora. Kick, push.

Kurt Busiek, Jeph Loeb, Moritat, Stuart Immonen and Ian Churchill slam it down on the TV line catching Elephantmen - The Pilot. Snap a shot at one in the can and the door needs paper hinges.

Everything old is retooled and slightly new again in Avengers Classics. Stan Lee, Dwayne McDuffie, Kevin Maguire, Mike Avon Oeming and Jack Kirby squeeze it in through the pages of the old.

Swimming six laps with those green scale trunks with Sub-Mariner. Matt Cherniss and Philippe Briones sniff out the culprit of what looks to point the splashdown on a crack down of a terrorist attack on an Atlantean slant.

Six wheels on the car and Larry Young and Jon Proctor drive on with Black Diamond. So this is what happens when paranoia shoots down all the planes from flying?

Five slings on a blade with The Amory Wars from Claudio Sanchez and Gus Vasquez. Heard of that music beast known as Coheed and Cambria? Yeah, take a look at their adventures here as they feature in the sci-fi.

Mark Kidwell nudges on a four step of horror and gore in Bump. Out from the grave and on to the world out there!

Oh so many pirates littering the gutters and streets these days. Six pence for the richer as Roy Thomas and Mario Gully adapt the work of Robert Louis Stevenson in Marvel Illustrated: Treasure Island. Now... where is all the rum gone?

 

Wake up early enough and it'll be time to go back to bed again. Unless that head wound on the side of the face happens to mean that it's more than just waking up with drool on the pillow.

Jane Vasko was once an undercover police officer attempting to infiltrate the Fonti Mob. After gaining the trust of mob boss Joey Fonti, she was given the assignment of passing a message onto rival gang member Adam, not realizing that she was planted with an explosive device. As she met her target, the explosion caused significant injuries, but Adam was uninjured.

Through mysterious means, he managed to revive Jane, giving her superhuman regenerative powers in the process. Leaving her life as a police officer behind, she became the vigilante Painkiller Jane.

Painkiller Jane #1 from Dynamite Entertainment

Brian Pulido and Juan Jose Ryp go all pasty and white with the crossover team up thing of Lady Death/Shi. One of a half of two of a split.

Larry Hama and Mark Robinson usher the return of Storm Shadow in the pages of GI Joe: Storm Shadow. Out from both sides of the argument and ready to roll out the trouble in the middle by his own self.

Testament to the fact that the dead don't stay dead when they're the undead, John Russo and Dheerja Verma scrub up with the Plague of the Living Dead. The zombies are on the move, and even in the jungles of Viet Nam. Two words?

Maximum with the platinum and just take a look at the mammoth size of KISS 4K: Destroyer Edition. Kevin Sprague, Daniel Campos and Kevin Crossley chronicle the stories of KISS as they are visited by celestial beings in order to find a rock band that will save and protect this world. Gadzooks! Look at the size of the thing!

 

During the initial highs of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles mania, with the cartoon, action figures and movies, they sold all sorts of merchandise to bring in the kids.

One such concoction was a tiny bucket of green ooze with a little glow-in-the-dark turtle wearing an eye mask. Short of actual turtle soup, the slime lasted a short while in the heat before it was just runny snot.

The first of our five movie prequels slated for release in the weeks immediately preceding the opening of the new TMNT CGI movie!

Prequel #1 focuses on Raphael's growing disillusionment with his brothers and sensei, his increasing use of violence and the strange discovery that might provide the solution to his problems. Not to mention lots of kick-butt dark-of-night ninja action!

Prequel #2 focuses on Michelangelo's secret identity as the children’s entertainer Cowabunga Carl! When a purse-snatcher interrupts Carl’s gig at a hockey game can nunchaku ninja action and Casey Jones be far behind? It's a face-off... and in more ways than one!

TMNT Movie Prequel one shots from Mirage Studios

War in Iraq, what's not to love? Army@Love from the battle cries of Rick Veitch and Gary Erskine show the ensuing madness makes for hot and steamy times ducking under the whizzing bullets and mortar shells. Comedy of errors really, and then there's the comic.

Fall for the heroes who have fallen from their pedestals. Where the pressure is too much and the quick kick to a pick up leaves the question of just how to cope and deal with all that pressure. Howard Wong and Marco Rudy go After The Cape with three sips of the bottle to see how it is.

Andrew Dabb and Steve Kurth close out the take on the mythic trilogy of Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman in twelve vials with Dragonlance Chronicles Volume III: Dragons of Spring Dawning. End of the line kids, and it's time to look inside for the real demons to battle. Played Internal Risk of late?

C.B. Cebulski and Humberto Ramos take their cues from Molly Hayes in Runaways Saga. Running up the adventures of the Marvel teens to date prepping the switch from BKV to Whedon. Track attack on a look back over what has come before up to now. One shot at goal.

Leah Moore, John Repion and Stephen Segovia paint a picture of the man who sold his soul for eternal youth who crosses paths with the woman who bears the blade in Witchblade: Shades of Gray. For much like photos in the back of a cereal box, it's a question of smoke, mirrors and mystery. Probably not the mirrors. And more on metaphor.

Simon Furman and Marcelo Matere drop a tape into the boom box and let loose with Transformers Spotlight: Soundwave. Soundwave takes an eye to Bludgeon who is in charge of finding out about what happened to Shockwave. Eat enough foil and the teeth will hate you for it.

Mike Wolfer drags the not so dead zombies around in Escape of the Living Dead Annual. A town sinks below the depths and from there it's pretty much a seafood platter for those knocking about for more braaaaaaaaiiins.

Lady Death Annual takes a holiday with Brian Pulido and Richard Ortiz and Daniel HDR. No, apparently that's right.

Anthony Flamini, Ronald Byrd and Scott Kolins survey the end and the aftermath of the Pro vs Anti Registration camps in Civil War: Battle Damage Report. Scout the land, smell the burning embers and make a nice toasted sandwich with cheese that melts a hole in your mouth.

And the turtle still glows in the dark to this day.

 

Eat enough pizza and the end result is the same as gorging on any other foodstuff. The possible need for more and on the Saturday occasions, a look down in to the gully of coupon clippings.

Of course, this has nothing to do with the new ongoing from Marvel, but it was distracting enough.

It all starts here! The ONGOING, MARVEL KNIGHTS launch of the deadliest super-team around!

Hyperion, Nighthawk, Blur, Power Princess, Doctor Spectrum and the rest of the team are joined by a new group of super heroes, as only J. Michael Straczynski and Gary Frank can imagine!

As the U.S. government plots to create two teams of super-powered agents to crush enemies both domestic and foreign, Mark Milton -- a.k.a. Hyperion -- has plans of his own. Plans that could uproot the government's control over its super-powered population and force them to contend with the ever-growing threat of Mark's constant insubordination.

As that happens in the Marvel comics, Devils Due Publishing begin their roll on R.A. Salvatore's Dark Elf trilogy with Forgotten Realms: Dark Elf. Lightsaber duelists might be able to pronounce "Drizzt" without a tingling sensation.

Markosia shoot with a double barrel splat of Starship Troopers and Scatterbrain. One has no real ties to the Denise Richards film and the other has even less of a link to the alien roach-fest.

Don't forget Avatar with Lady Death: Lost Souls. One wherein Lady Death leads the forces into a battle. Which battle and which forces are not explained on this cursory look.

Like the goon that just won't stay down no matter how good the cement shoes are for swimming, Cyberforce pops up again from the hands of Top Cow. Forget what you know, you can eat frozen pizza without the alcoholic sniff to it.

On the thought of putting things in your mouth, the Angel Scriptbook from IDW Publishing should be something for the Whedon and quality radiation box fans to start licking feverishly. (Way to avoid a clich? in fangs.)

For those metal robots running around Cybertron and whatnot, Transformers: Generations from IDW reprints old issues appearing from other publishers, such as Marvel and Dreamwave. It'll be like the old, but new. Or the new, but old. Like pizza you find underneath last week's frozen tofu waffle.

 

Nothing like working to the beat of the summer's sniper hot rays. Walking around with a sweat from global warming, tight clothes and a selection of pores gunning out the body's waste through the salt water.

Nothing except for a healthy dose of sun smarts in the ever going battle for skin protection.

For some, that's as easy as being unsociable. Staying indoors for as long as the humble and randy koala sleeps asleep in the trees. Doors and windows, down and closed, any hint of sunshine scaring them back down into the basement or into the closet without a sunroof.

But not everyone can live the luxurious life of a hermit. Others have to brave the world and face the faces of the people outside.

And for those, there's a whole range of systems in place. Sunscreen, dubious lotions with UV protection, and simple clothes and hats. For lovers of leather despite all weather, full body suits are even out there. Though they're usually made for indoor parties.

Careful on the zinc though. Wouldn't want to go overboard.

 

 

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