Between a rock and a hard place, Thing stands between them. Ever the blue eyed lover trapped in a rock hard body others would, and some have tried to, kill for. Rock hard but certainly not the kind of body by Jake standard.

Problems exist when living in such a shell of an existence. More so than the expository notion of despair and loss from finding the right kind of pants to fit.

Seats, despite the widening of the world in the face of anorexia and bulimia, continue to incrementally increase in width. With the junk in the trunk overflowing, it could be some time before riding on conventional transport doesn't incur buying two, or even three, tickets.

Such slow moving of the slow movers is enough to cause fury and anger. But that's the problem with living in a body far too big for even the big man clothing stores. Just check out the statue, a massive foot print to match the massive heft. No workout without a weight.

 

Squeeze another through the cheese grater, the season of spring is here. Birds chirping, sweat building and more and more skin as the clothes melt away into the impending summer.

For some, the ever present air of pollen whips up another furious round for the nostrils. Sneezing eyeballs, itchy fits and noses as hoses. Suffer the fools of hay fever, crippled as they are at the beat of nectar and mould raiding their nostrils and lungs.

Care for some useless tips on beating the hay fever? No? Here are some anyway:

• Stay indoors and don't breathe - when you avoid the cause of the problem the problem itself doesn't seem so much like a problem at all.
• Live under water - air and wind are known torrents for transporting pollen and other such nasties into the respiratory system. That kind of obstacle doesn't even factor in the underwater world.
• Vaseline - clug up the nose with wads of the petroleum jelly, the stickiness will latch on to anything that might try and tickle your tonsils.
• Walk with your eyes closed - prepare to buy a walking stick if this is even a viable option. (Also handy for people looking for impromptu guides around town or a faster path to wherever.)
• Be a misery to yourself - crying can help with the flushing of the foreign agents in your eyes and nose. So be like a loser and weep all day long.

 

Two things are possible that may have caused such a reaction from Professor Charles Xavier of the Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters.

Whales in the waters. Days, perhaps even hours, remain until the whaling nations begin again in full slasher harmony of their slaughter of whales in the unholy name of science. Recent sightings such as the whales wallowing in the Sydney Harbour may be quickly disappearing. Catch a visual feast of the mighty mammals before they find themselves served up at a Japanese restaurant. Because they have no kangaroos.

The other? That the producers of fly-on-the-service-station-toilet-wall program, Big Brother, might just be luring the clothes off all their contestants to displays of full frontal nudity. All in the name of ratings. And shock. And horror. And anything to serve up Australian content for the minders. Never mind the masses.

 

Spreading like a fire blazing through a house doused in lighter fluid and punched up with a few canisters of petrol, the new Spider-Man title by Peter David and Mike Wieringo, Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man.

The title of the new series set to debut in October was originally slated for use in what later became Untold Tales of Spider-Man. Written by Kurt Busiek with pencils from Pat Olliffe, Bob McLeod and Ron Frenz it was known as the continuity threading series, patching links and holes in the original Stan Lee and Steve Ditko era run of Amazing Spider-Man.

The new title was also to originally feature Mark "Legion" Waid as the writer before having to pull out.

Though a little far behind on the heels of the Paul Jenkins Spectacular Spider-Man series coming to a close, one thing's for sure. Eliminating spiders from an area for a long period of time is almost impossible.

 

 

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